The Bad JuJu: Part Three - Baby on Board and Lack of Interpersonal Skills Go Duly Noticed

I knew I was pregnant both times it happened. I was as fertile as a Washington County hill. When you cognitively realize you are more than likely with the "wrong person" - it usually happens on your way to the "middle" after exhausting every form of "third-party assistance" and "self-help books." While the first few books were about fixing "me" - from three chapters into Dr. Laura's "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" I found myself ready to throw the book against the wall into subtle, hormone-induced hostility.

Then came, "There's No Place Like Home: Steps to Becoming a Stay-At-Home Mom" - which reaffirmed my sense of who I was becoming whether I liked it or not - a mommy. I remeber T seeing the book lying on the floor and taking it all in. It was like the rose colored glasses had finally slipped down his nose (in a descent that would continue for the next 5 +years). It was obvious he had different intentions of what my role would be.

My first plan: Get back to Texas and family. Fast. I began searching for jobs that fit his field, finding him a headhunter. My attempts to "sway him in a positive way" were met with resistance. Even when he landed a job making $20K more in Dallas than he was in Califiornia - not to mention our move would be paid for completely. He was full of bitterness.

I'll never forget our move back from San Diego to Dallas. We left as a married couple in love and returned strangers; our only common thread the unborn child that grew larger and was like a soccor play in my ever-expanding belly (I put on a girlish 80 pounds during that first go round.)

I was exstatic and he became resentful. For this realization to come so shortly after marriage and to have a child growing in my belly - I made a promise to myself. Divorce wasn't an option. We didn't plan on starting a family right away, but why not look at it as a blessing instead of a burden? Hormonal influxes be damned!

I would be a dutiful wife, like my mother was - and be the best mom ever to my unborn daughter, Sara. Although T and I never had a long-term range in plan when it came to how we each viewed our role in the journey that is "parenthood" - surely we'd be on the same page eventually and things would just "flow" naturally. I couldn't have been more wrong.