Put a Fork In Me: They'll Be Coming Around the ENT Too Soon...

Introducing My New Feature: Random Movie Lines With Mary

I've always felt that certain people can be gauged on a level from 0 to 12.52 based on both the movies they watch and the scenes they find as emotionally compelling - or comedic - as I do. During my post film-school dating years, I wouldn't look twice at a guy who didn't appreciate the comical genius of the Cohen Brothers "Raising Arizona." In hindsight, my taste in movies proved to better than my taste in men. I know many people will relate to some of these and MAYBE, just maybe, they will become enlightened and intrigued enough to check out some oldies, but goodies they weren't interested in BMB (before my blog). That sounded quite harsh and a bit superior, no? As if my blog could change people's lives. Muwahahahah. If fitting, the movie lines I post will pose as some parallel reference I'm experiencing in my life - while sharing some of my most beloved dialogue created to emote feelings we sometimes never realized we had until seeing "that" movie...Ah, the power of good filmmaking. I'm sure glad I majored in it. It's done a world of good for my career *insert sarcasm.*

Monday, October 5, 2009

They'll Be Coming Around the ENT Too Soon...

Mary's 411: Allergins from all different types of grass call cause children's' allergies to wreak havoc on the ear. Stock up on some benedryal!

I had the melody, "She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain When She Comes" when I wrote this post's title. What a wretched song, lyrics and all, to have swimming in your head for 24 hours. I need my Coldplay...

The title of my post speaks volumes - unless you're childless or your offspring haven't experienced over five ear infections in a seven month period. Ah, the joys of daycare.

So, anywho, with less than 16 hours of "personal-time" remaining on my "time card" for the rest of the year, I was OVERJOYED to learn that both of my daughters will need new sets of tubes for their "unfortunately shaped" heads (which unbeknownst to me is the root of most ear-infection evils).

Did something go wrong during their delivery? How can both girls have "unfortunately shaped" heads? To top it off, Sara will need her tonsils AND adenoids out and I was told that my TMJ is caused from my "extremely large tongue" which "barely fits in my mouth." Now there's something you don't hear everyday. If I ever decide to date again, maybe I'll put that in my profile:

Single mother of two angelic handfuls whom occasionally soil the mattress I'm sleeping on looking for man who can help with homework and housework while making sure my daughters feel as equally loved as their mother. P.S. If changing dirty diapers, or as I refer to when in public; "We've got a Code Brown. I repeat, a Code Brown." disgusts you, then I'm probably not your girl. Also, my ENT believes my tongue is freakishly large for my mouth. Call me!"

REALLY looking forward to informing my boss that not only will I be out for both girls’ surgeries, but as the doctor weans me off my best-friend, a.k.a Lunesta, I will be required to attend a "sleep study" to determine if I have sleep apnea.

When the doctor told me this, my first thought which I verbalized ever so articulately was - "Sleep apnea? But I'm not old and fat!" And wearing what resembles to be a darth-vador mask at night should have the men lining up outside my door...I swear on everything holy, I couldn't make this sh*t up.