Even by my "Bad JuJu" standards, 2009 has been a pain in all our asses. I use the word "our" loosely, as I refer to the rectal cancer that joined our family officially in November of 2008, only to surgically part in early 2009.
My dad's cancer has seemed like a group diagnosis as we live our lives so tightly entwined. Through the chemo, the surgeries, the questions my daughters keep asking, the prayers they repeat each night "Please make PoPo good," my two-year old says. My five-year-old is all about herself: "Please make PoPo better so he can play 'the claw' with me."
While I am forever grateful for all the blessings in my life, I can't seem to shake this feeling of bah-humbiness, which is TERRIBLE to admit, but I'm not one to say what people usually like to hear. Not on my blog, ESPECIALLY. My one cathartic outlet. Hell, my only outlet. Looks like I need some new resolutions for 2010.
Be A Better Mommy is always at the top of my list, but this year, as kindergarten foreshadows the coming years of studying and preparedness that always seemed to be put off to the last minute when I was in school, I pray that God helps me help Sara see that schedule and routine are good things. Who are we kidding? Should I just embrace my faults now and work with them the best to my ability?
The funny thing is that up until I had children, I thought I was SO cool and if I do say so myself, the life of the party. Talk about a 180. I'm lucky to get out twice a year, and even then, those girls are constantly on my mind - health, well-being, education.
That is most likely the single most fearful aspect of being a "true" single parent (a.k.a. no back-up) - I am 110 percent responsible for their livelihood and well-being...and the women they will become. It's an awesome responsibility that weighs on me from time to time. Not like "weighing" in my thoughts, but more like "weighing" on my chest, sending pain down my left arm and causing me to have shortness of breath.
You can see why I haven't blogged much this month. Talk about Debbie Downer. I'm depressing my own self. But I attached two of my favorite pics from this summer. If you look closely, Josie is about to cry b/c her ice cream is almost finished. Did I mention she weighs almost as much as her 3 + years in age older sibling? There's a reason...
Even by my "Bad JuJu" standards, 2009 has been a pain in all our asses. I use the word "our" loosely, as I refer to the rectal cancer that joined our family officially in November of 2008, only to surgically part in early 2009.
My dad's cancer has seemed like a group diagnosis as we live our lives so tightly entwined. Through the chemo, the surgeries, the questions my daughters keep asking, the prayers they repeat each night "Please make PoPo good," my two-year old says. My five-year-old is all about herself: "Please make PoPo better so he can play 'the claw' with me."
While I am forever grateful for all the blessings in my life, I can't seem to shake this feeling of bah-humbiness, which is TERRIBLE to admit, but I'm not one to say what people usually like to hear. Not on my blog, ESPECIALLY. My one cathartic outlet. Hell, my only outlet. Looks like I need some new resolutions for 2010.
Be A Better Mommy is always at the top of my list, but this year, as kindergarten foreshadows the coming years of studying and preparedness that always seemed to be put off to the last minute when I was in school, I pray that God helps me help Sara see that schedule and routine are good things. Who are we kidding? Should I just embrace my faults now and work with them the best to my ability?
The funny thing is that up until I had children, I thought I was SO cool and if I do say so myself, the life of the party. Talk about a 180. I'm lucky to get out twice a year, and even then, those girls are constantly on my mind - health, well-being, education.
That is most likely the single most fearful aspect of being a "true" single parent (a.k.a. no back-up) - I am 110 percent responsible for their livelihood and well-being...and the women they will become. It's an awesome responsibility that weighs on me from time to time. Not like "weighing" in my thoughts, but more like "weighing" on my chest, sending pain down my left arm and causing me to have shortness of breath.
You can see why I haven't blogged much this month. Talk about Debbie Downer. I'm depressing my own self. But I attached two of my favorite pics from this summer. If you look closely, Josie is about to cry b/c her ice cream is almost finished. Did I mention she weighs almost as much as her 3 + years in age older sibling? There's a reason...
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